Before fibro I never really had any issues with my mental health. I was just blessed that way I guess, I have always had that strength in me along with my stubbornness that nothing would keep me down for long. I would process, and then move on. Now I realise how truly lucky I was to have that gift in me.
I didn’t see fibro coming though, I never saw what it would do to me, take from me, and change me. Change me so much that I’m no longer person I used to be, that person you grieve for. The one who only knew physical pain when they were ‘sick’. The one who would simply get tired, maybe have a few sleepiness nights.
Then fibro hit, and when it did, when it took everything from me, my dignity, my strength, my sanity, my thoughts and speech, my life, relationships, the person who I once was, my thoughts sent me to some very very dark places….. The places you go to when you just want the pain to stop. Where you would give anything for the pain to leave you alone for good, because living in pain 24/7 is difficult enough without the debilitating level of pain you get during a massive flare which can last month’s. How could anyone not have those thoughts.
so I found myself really struggling mentally, I was so lost, felt isolated, and alone, and extremely low. Even though I have the most amazing daughter’s and partner who completely understand and give me immense support.
I could recognise the spiral I was on mentally so I reached out to my gp, I went on a 6 week CBT counseling session. It helped somewhat, or so I thought.
A few months ago I started really struggling again, locking myself away, barely speaking, locked up in my own little fibro world. So I had a talk with myself, and once again I reached out to my gp, she prescribed me Citalapram, previously I have been very reluctant to go on medication for mental health but I have tried the counseling, the apps, talk therapies, and they haven’t seemed to help.
I’m getting stronger again now, don’t get me wrong i know the tablets are a band aid, but whilst I’m working on healing my body, and getting strong against fibro, I’m calming my mind, or at least trying too. One thing with mental health or anything in life really… Do not overwhelm yourself. One small step at a time. Nothing is a quick fix, and rushing these things is not going to help. So I take one day at a time. I will get there.
Also I have to add, my warriors on TIKTOK give the most unbelievable advice and support, and understanding which has been such a positive impact on my mental health. Thank you to you all.
Sending you all gentle hugs